just a piece of me

"I am sick of being rejected...

I am sick of being refused.....

I am sick of being betrayed........

and...

I am sick of betraying, hurting and lying....."



several minutes ago, I had a thought about being a single parent. A parent who is strong enough to raise a baby girl himself.... this idea popped out when I had a flash-back.. well.. ok... my familly is not a happy one... it is a broken one... say that I am afraid to start one because I have a trauma with the current one.... however... logically, I think that why do we have to bother ourselves tied in a marriage if it will be ended with one single word that I hate most... DIVORCEMENT ??

SO... DO NOT BOTHER TO GET MARRIED.......

I dreamed to have a baby girl and raise it herself without a mother figure... perhaps what my friend told me was right... she said she is ready to be a mother but not a wife... It means that... she is ready to raise a kid without being in a relationship...

seems like it happens to me as well.... I might be ready to raise a kid but not to have a relationship (a marriage in this case)

then.. I think I just need to focus on my study.. do the best.. get a job... being promoted... and finally... adopt a kid.... a girl would be nice :)